Can we become dependent on serving?

Recently I haven't been very consistent in going to church on Sunday. Part of the reason is my busy schedule with lots of weekend soccer tournaments, but for some reason, church hasn't been very enjoyable. I've had a hard time pinpointing why I don't enjoy attending a Sunday service.

Image from Flickr-Brian Jeffery Beggerly

For a while, I surmised this was because I don't really know that many people at my church and making connections in Ohio has been a slow process since I moved here. The relationships that connect people to the whole of the church are important for a sense of belonging. The more I think about it, the more this excuse seems irrelevant. I have been going to the same church for 2 years now and know enough people to feel I belong to the community. Then, I thought, maybe I am just not connecting with the messages and my faith isn't growing. Again, it didn't take much reflection to see that my faith has taken some giant steps forward recently and the messages I hear are relevant and convicting.

Image from RightNowMedia.org

So, what is it? Why do I hesitate to spend an hour of my Sunday at church? I am reading Matt Chandler's "To Live is Christ and to Die is Gain." Chandler talks about church as being the "lamest hobby ever," and the danger in compartmentalizing our faith to a certain location or time or setting. I think I've fallen into this trap but I am actually doing the opposite of what Chandler is talking about.

I have compartmentalized my faith walk into my quiet times during the week and my job in ministry and as a result, Sunday has become a day for my hobbies, including attending church. Perhaps I am so dependent on 'serving' through years of church leadership that now I have a difficult time 'just' singing and listening to a sermon. I guess it feels too passive and I feel I'm treating Sunday services as lectures to gather information. I never thought I would disassociate church and my faith, but that is exactly what I have been doing lately. Jesus wants us to live out our faith daily, including when we are at church. What a crazy notion! In my effort to live out my faith in other areas of my life, I forgot to take the time to praise and worship God with the church community to which I belong and make it about Him and not about the Sunday routine or the camaraderie of fellow believers. The great thing is, the more I get it wrong, the sweeter it is when I really rest and receive God's grace and forgiveness.