This summer was busy again with soccer camps and I traveled with a team of coaches to Patterson, CA (east of the Bay Area and south of Sacramento), and St. Louis, MO. It was a difficult summer for a lot of reasons but this was the first summer in 4 years where I was not in charge of the camps program and just another coach within the program.
We all have things we get emotionally attached to. People, places, experiences, even music or food. When we have a work project or program we've worked on, we may tend to attach some emotions to its successes or failures. I didn't realize that all the time, effort, frustrations and joys that I invested in the soccer camps program had really created a deep emotional connection. Soccer camps had been 'my baby' for several years and now I was watching the program carry on without my leadership.
This process resulted in a few different emotions. For one, I was sad to leave a project that felt as if it was progressing in certain areas and felt unfinished. I dislike unfinished projects and feel much more settled when I or someone else completes them or at least reaches a mark that is equivalent to finishing a stage of the project. Secondly, I saw all the issues that were still unresolved from before that I had not been able to tackle or didn't handle well enough to feel satisfied about it. Third, I saw new directions the soccer camps program was heading that would not have been the same as the direction I wanted to take it or a regression in areas that seemed better the year before.
I've had a little time after the summer to reflect and I feel God is telling me two things. The first is to 'let it go.' God asks us to let go of things all the time. The life of faith requires us to let go of the things we know and are familiar with to grab hold of something risky, unfamiliar and unknown with faith and trust that God asks us to do it because it is best for us. I can't move forward to the next step if I am constantly looking back. The second is 'this is MY program.' I got caught up in the idea that the soccer camps program belonged to me or was under my leadership. The truth is, the soccer camps program always belonged to God and continues to be and He will decide its past, present and future. This is a great comfort to me that nothing I have or am involved in is mine. It's not an easy mindset to maintain but it makes it easier to let go of it if I need to.
