Letting go

2016 was quite a year. I have been looking back through my journal recently and can't believe all the things that have happened this year and all the emotional ups-and-downs that accompany them.

Throughout this year, there are many things I've had to 'let go' of. The journey of asking others for my financial provision has been difficult but as I've 'let go' of worrying about it, God has put opportunities and resources in front of me that I wasn't expecting. I felt unheard and unable to influence in my work environment but as I've 'let go' of finding worth in the strength of my opinions, I've been at peace without having to be heard and have had chances to speak in unexpected situations and influence unexpected people. I sometimes feel my life doesn't measure up in comparison to friends or acquaintances but as I've 'let go' of trying to live out someone else's story, I've found genuine joy and gratitude in living out the unique story that God has asked me and only me to live.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The Dangers of Emotional Attachment

This summer was busy again with soccer camps and I traveled with a team of coaches to Patterson, CA (east of the Bay Area and south of Sacramento), and St. Louis, MO. It was a difficult summer for a lot of reasons but this was the first summer in 4 years where I was not in charge of the camps program and just another coach within the program.

We all have things we get emotionally attached to. People, places, experiences, even music or food. When we have a work project or program we've worked on, we may tend to attach some emotions to its successes or failures. I didn't realize that all the time, effort, frustrations and joys that I invested in the soccer camps program had really created a deep emotional connection. Soccer camps had been 'my baby' for several years and now I was watching the program carry on without my leadership.

This process resulted in a few different emotions. For one, I was sad to leave a project that felt as if it was progressing in certain areas and felt unfinished. I dislike unfinished projects and feel much more settled when I or someone else completes them or at least reaches a mark that is equivalent to finishing a stage of the project. Secondly, I saw all the issues that were still unresolved from before that I had not been able to tackle or didn't handle well enough to feel satisfied about it. Third, I saw new directions the soccer camps program was heading that would not have been the same as the direction I wanted to take it or a regression in areas that seemed better the year before.

I've had a little time after the summer to reflect and I feel God is telling me two things. The first is to 'let it go.' God asks us to let go of things all the time. The life of faith requires us to let go of the things we know and are familiar with to grab hold of something risky, unfamiliar and unknown with faith and trust that God asks us to do it because it is best for us. I can't move forward to the next step if I am constantly looking back. The second is 'this is MY program.' I got caught up in the idea that the soccer camps program belonged to me or was under my leadership. The truth is, the soccer camps program always belonged to God and continues to be and He will decide its past, present and future. This is a great comfort to me that nothing I have or am involved in is mine. It's not an easy mindset to maintain but it makes it easier to let go of it if I need to.

Why is it so easy to find a substitute God?

The last couple months have been a bit of a whirlwind: Raleigh, NC for a non-profit communications conference, coaching at tournaments in Cincinnati and Indianapolis, traveling to St. Louis and Grand Rapids to help set up soccer camps for this summer, and the Basics Conference for pastors at Parkside Church. Whew! One thing I really like about travel and being on the road is you have opportunities to get different perspectives from the familiar. I am often more likely to strike up conversations with others and ask questions. I am exposed to stories, ideas, experiences, and places that spark reflection, creativity, inspiration and hope. I often feel rejuvenated and ready to enter back into day-to-day life with a fresh and new outlook.

I think the biggest takeaway that I had from my latest travels is that God is God. This is an idea I can't unpack in a few sentences but the main idea here is that it's helpful to be clear who God IS and who God IS NOT. I think I often confuse God with things that are spiritual such as reading my bible or worship songs or a beautiful mountain sunrise. These things are great but they aren't God. Or I tend to romanticize about certain places or times in my life as being ideal and treat them as being divine but they aren't God either.

We know that people aren't perfect. That is usually pretty clear. People are messy and have faults. But there are other things we don't so quickly see as being fallible as well. The idea of sports ministry seems so perfect to me. The idea of living out a passion for sports and serving and loving people in the name of Christ is great in theory. But in practice it's very messy and difficult. And it's NOT God. I didn't realize why I've been so disappointed lately until I realized I was treating ministry like God and expecting some idealized version of life just because I am doing ministry. Ministry isn't God. The organization I work for isn't God. The church I attend isn't God. Only God is God and if I am constantly seeking things that seem holy or spiritual or the "right thing," I will miss out on the real thing.

Problem-Solving Might Hold Us Back From Growth

It seems as if problem-solving is one of the most prioritized skills in our culture. Perhaps in the days when professions were simpler to explain (I'm a banker, cook, milkman, blacksmith, etc.), work tasks were more repetitive and explainable. Nowadays, it seems impossible to explain a work title in only a sentence or two. We are constantly asked to problem-solve in the varied and unpredictable lives we live.

 

There is nothing wrong with problem-solving and we should definitely teach our children the process of reasoning out good decisions. But an aptitude for problem-solving can also lead to a very dangerous characteristic: Self-reliance. I am quite guilty of falling into the self-reliance trap. I will often expend huge amounts of time and energy trying to find every possible way to figure it out or do it myself before I ask for help.

 

Another product of the problem-solving approach is a tendency to view all situations as needing to be or able to be FIXED. I've been told this is common to males but it isn't exclusive, for sure. My goals at the beginning of 2016 had more to do with trying to fix things in my life or in my work, and I've once again wasted a lot of energy trying to solve things that may not necessarily be problems.

 

This week, my simple goal was to ask God to fill me with love and patience and then spend the day expending it and starting over the next day. It's amazing how much the "problems" I've been focusing on this year have dissipated and I've found other things to focus on. Even if I "fix" something today, there will be something else tomorrow. It is becoming clear I need to be more about God's plan than my problem-solving.

Reflections on 2015

I stole this listicle of questions from Annie Parsons' blog. It was actually a great way to reflect on 2015 and think about the year ahead.

Being thankful for having less

Ok, November we think about being thankful so this is no surprise that I've been thinking about gratitude this month. Sometimes, a topic will strike us in a new and different way so here are some thoughts.

First, it's easier to be thankful with less. Wait, huh? Let me explain. If you have ever been on a long camping trip or vacation to a place with more rustic facilities, you are so grateful when you get back to your own bed and clean toilets. Any food item that you designate to yourself as a treat and only have once in a while becomes a bit more special when you have it. I think we are more thankful when we have less or have thing less often because you are more appreciative of life's luxuries when you have them. And let's face it, most of us enjoy quite a number of luxuries most of the world doesn't.

Second, it's easier to be thankful when you are around others that are thankful. I would like to think I'm independent enough to not be swayed by other people's attitudes and emotions but I am highly influenced by level of gratitude in those around me. That means I am probably influential on others in the way I choose to be thankful.

Third, it's important to remember the source of blessings. For example, when I am thankful for a safe trip, I can remember to be thankful for the men and women serving our communities to maintain order, keep streets clean and safe, street lights functioning, the car manufacturer and mechanics that make sure my vehicle will work properly, musicians that provide me with entertainment to keep me awake, etc. There are so many factors that make a road trip from point A to B possible. And ultimately, all those blessings come from God.

So what does that mean for me? Right now I'm thankful for less. I live in a small studio apartment. I don't eat out much. I don't have cable tv. And I'm really thankful for it, it has helped me see how much I have. I also resolve to be more thankful not only internally, but externally, sharing my gratitude with others. Lastly, I want to be more aware of God, the giver of all good things, in all circumstances.

Happy Thanksgiving!

How do we engage our culture and still have balance?

Over the past two years, I have been part of a men's group at my church. We have been going through a curriculum called CLC (Christian Leadership Concepts) that covers a variety of topics that pertain specifically to men. It's been a great journey with a great group of guys. The last unit in the curriculum is called "Engaging Our Culture" and talks about serving and witnessing while being rooted in biblical truths.

Looking back, my ministry life has been a bit of a pendulum when it comes to engaging the culture around me. At times, I am eager and passionate to connect with many types of people, and to participate in art, music, sports, technology and sharing of ideas. At other times, I find myself retreating from the world of entertainment and culture, and try to limit my influences and narrow the group of people I spend time with. I see time periods in my life where the I've swung far to one side or the other.

Watching too much tv around World Cup time

Maybe this is ok. Often I think I'll achieve the right balance in many areas of my life "at some point." But I think the truth is, we never really reach a perfect balance. We tend to have seasons of being more social and other seasons of being more reclusive. Sometimes I watch too much TV, and other times I go on a media fast and am extremely careful about what I watch, read and listen to. I don't think there is one right answer. God wants us to be diligent and wise, but he also wants us to get out of our shell and live and engage with those around us. If you have ideas in this area, please feel free to share.